There are many, common phrases in our everyday life that reinforce an outside in life approach.
These phrases, stated repeatedly, can reinforce an unhealthy lifestyle. Let me share a few of them
with you below.
Phrases
“You complete me”
Have you ever had a partner say “you complete me”? If so, pause here. The statement that someone else can be the source of love, happiness, security, and fun denotes a person that is not grounded in their truth and living from the outside in. The phrase can develop into a codependent lifestyle in which the partner needs you to be happy. In a healthy dynamic, your partner can sustain themselves by filling their own cup while your role is to ensure their cup is overflowing. A strong, empowered person does not need someone else to complete them.
“I cannot live without you”
The phrase “I cannot live without you” should send you in another direction. Literally, run. This phrase indicates that a codependent relationship is already in place and can lead to unhealthy decision making in which a person puts the safety and responsibility of taking care of themselves in someone else’s hands. As a result, the person who originated the comment can easily be the subject of manipulation or abuse. Be mindful of this phrase. If you have said it or if someone has mentioned it to you, take some time to reflect on your relationship dynamics and be prepared to make a necessary, healthy change.
“You are my whole world”
Similar to the previous phrase “You are my whole world” should send off significant alarm bells. If you feel this way or know someone that uses this phrase, then there is a good chance that manipulation and abuse have already taken place. It is possible that a trauma bond, or a chemical addiction to a cycle of abuse, may already be established. If this is the case, I suggested professional support to move out of the cycle of abuse and manipulation. Be mindful with this one.
“A good parent should give up themselves for their children and be selfless”
This statement is a hard one. As parents, we are hardwired to take care of our children. However, when we do not put ourselves first and thus lack the ability to be our own source of love, happiness, security, and fun then we make decisions that are not only unhealthy for ourselves but also for our children. Our offspring watch what we do as much as what we say. Therefore, if a parent stays in an abusive relationship or does not take care of their health in order to complete a task for a child then the parent is not being their best self and may be putting a minor in harm's way. This statement is particularly important because parents need to be role models for their children in which they demonstrate appropriate self care and self love. This will, in turn, lead to healthy adults that make good decisions. If not, abuse and neglect can be generational. Ask yourself, are you modeling appropriate self care?
“I live for my child”
This is another phrase that should sound off alarm bells in your ears because it suggests a codependent relationship between a parent and child. A child is NOT the source of love, happiness, security, and fun for the parent. Not only is this statement unhealthy, it creates a parent-child dynamic in which the power is given to the minor who is often rewarded for poor decision making. Rather than establishing healthy boundaries and life lessons, the parent, to appease the child, will remove normal, healthy mistakes and consequences. A statement like “I live for my child” should stop you in your tracks.
“I am here to take care of you”
“I am here to take care of you” is a phrase often stated by master manipulators because it is a phrase used to get a person to give up their power to another. No, no one else is here to take care of you. That is your job. There should be people in your life that support you in your responsibility to take care of yourself. I am not suggesting you are in this life alone. I am suggesting, however, that you are mindful when someone says this phrase to you or you wish someone would take care of you. If this is your wish, you could easily attract others that will gladly misuse the power you give them.
“If you really love me, you will do it”
The phrase “If you really love me, you will do it” really strikes a cord. If someone says it then they are not listening to you. The statement is often utilized after a person says no. If you are saying no, then you are doing it for a good reason. The other person then does not respect your boundaries and is trying to manipulate you into doing something that is not in your best interest. This person does not care if what they are asking of you will do you harm. Since they will not listen, it demonstrates that they only care what is best for them. If this is a phrase you hear often, you need to turn and run in the other direction as no good will come out of it. Listen to yourself. Be firm. Speak your truth and listen when a master manipulator is speaking their truth.
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