What Does The Lack Of Intimacy Look Like?

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Intimacy is a word that is used often in a variety of settings. A counselor might talk about it, a friend, or you might express your desire for intimacy. The purpose of this post is to clarify what a lack of intimacy looks like. 

First, what is intimacy? For many people the concept of intimacy is related to sexual acts. But, is that the only form of intimacy? No. Let’s talk about what a lack of intimacy might look like. 


Here are a few examples. The lack of intimacy in a conversation with a partner occurs when one partner does all the sharing and is vulnerable while the other agrees, nods, or gives praise but DOES NOT share or become vulnerable themselves. In a narcissistic relationship, the narcissist is using this information to manipulate their partner later. If a partner cannot share their fears, weaknesses, or failures and become vulnerable with you then that is an early sign you might be developing a relationship with a narcissist. It is important to note here, however, that some narcissists play the victim and may share some instances that make them look vulnerable. However, in this instance, the narcissist is the victim and something was done TO THEM. The sharing clearly does not involve the narcissist making themselves look anything less than perfect.  Be careful here. If a person does not share, or if they do it is when they are a victim, be mindful. If you find yourself thinking, “Wow! This person never has a challenging day! They must be perfect!”,  that is what they want you to think. We are human beings on this planet for the sole purpose of learning and evolving. No one is perfect.


Another example of intimacy is in the bedroom. If the other person does not care about your personal pleasure, if they are causing you physical pain during sex, want you to perform sexually when you are ill, after having a surgery or baby, and their only goal is for their own personal pleasure and release than there is a real lack of intimacy. If you do not feel like you can express your desires, talk about them, give your partner constructive criticism in the bedroom, or that your sole job is to sexually pleasure your partner than there is a real lack of intimacy. Ask yourself, is there a worship element in the bedroom either stated or unsaid? Are you being sexually manipulated or exploited? Do you keep telling yourself that “I am married and so this is how it is supposed to be!” type of statements? Stop making excuses, pause, and really examine the role of intimacy in your life. If it does not exist, or you are in an abusive relationship, get out. To put it simply, you deserve better. And only you can make sure you get it.



At the end of decades of trauma, I sought professional help for chronic PTSD, powerlessness, codependency, and the lack of boundaries. I worked with many wonderful professionals but soon realized that the American mental health system was not able to adequately treat my trauma and I became frustrated as a consumer. I realized that long term injury impacts not only the mental, emotional, and physical body but also impacts the soul. I started to do energy work on myself daily and opened a channel with a council of spirit allies, an ascended master, and an evolving group of ancestors. As time went on, I worked on myself daily and utilized guidance from my spirit allies and I became stronger. I had battled chronic illness for over 20 years and went from 25 prescription drugs and supplements with out of state treatments for my lymphatic system to zero treatments and 10 drugs and supplements within one year of departure from a toxic environment and daily energy work. I now fill myself, connect to my own source of internal power, and live my truth.

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