I Endure

on


I Endure

I am going to leave this time for good.

I pack. I wait.

I Endure.


It is clear. Hurry fill the van. 

I arrive at my location.

There are men nearby.

I cannot carry in my things.

I Endure.


The shivers come. I cannot be far from the bathroom.

My hair is falling out. What is happening to me?

A trauma bond they say.

I Endure.


My consciousness feels like it is drowning.

Up for air. The pain. Intense physical daggers.

Under the water. Emotional trauma. Panic attacks. Flash backs.

On the floor looking up. I know I must return or I will die.

Fantasizing ways to end the pain. Throwing myself off of the deck in a mind loop.

I Endure.


Frantically researching. Verbal Abuse. Covert Narcissism. Sexual Abuse. Financial Abuse.

Hours and hours go by. Days and days. Solitude. 

Stay close to the bathroom. Notice the long strands of hair everywhere.

I Endure.


The Discovery. Thousands stolen. Tens of thousands gambled. All in secret.

Daily lies without flinching. Recognition of pattern of drugs.

Zoom out the lens. Twenty four year cycle of abuse. I did not know. I did not understand.

The want to return is still present. Fight it.

I Endure.


Mediation. Mr. asks for full custody and payment of hidden debts.

My kids have been kept from me. Two will testify against me.

The kids do not know. I send them compassion.

I Endure.


No matter what.

I. Am. STRONG.

I Endure. 

At the end of decades of trauma, I sought professional help for chronic PTSD, powerlessness, codependency, and the lack of boundaries. I worked with many wonderful professionals but soon realized that the American mental health system was not able to adequately treat my trauma and I became frustrated as a consumer. I realized that long term injury impacts not only the mental, emotional, and physical body but also impacts the soul. I started to do energy work on myself daily and opened a channel with a council of spirit allies, an ascended master, and an evolving group of ancestors. As time went on, I worked on myself daily and utilized guidance from my spirit allies and I became stronger. I had battled chronic illness for over 20 years and went from 25 prescription drugs and supplements with out of state treatments for my lymphatic system to zero treatments and 10 drugs and supplements within one year of departure from a toxic environment and daily energy work. I now fill myself, connect to my own source of internal power, and live my truth.

Comments

Post a Comment