To live from the outside in is prevalent in all aspects of our society. Pause for a moment with me. Children read story books that talk about a maiden and her desire to be told she is beautiful while she waits for a prince to save and love her. Think about prime time TV. How many shows can you count where there is a love interest and the plot of the story, or at the very least a subplot, follows a person trying to connect with their soulmate so they can feel complete? What about the assortment of teen novels and how many contain a heroine trying to get a cute boy to like them while they save the world? Then there is social media. It is most obvious on this platform. Users post a picture with a filter and check how many likes, hearts, views, or retweets their image or video receives. The number of followers, likes, or views is indicative of how much you are loved and accepted. And with this, the opposite is true. If a user does not earn many likes or views then they feel unworthy or less than. Put all of these examples together. What do they have in common? It is humans looking outside themselves for validation rather than filling themselves up first and acknowledging instances outside themselves as an addition to a full plate. It is so much a part of our culture that most are not cognizant of it. As a result, decisions are often made from an outside in perspective that leads to heartache and despair because the outside does not, and cannot accurately, fill the inside. We do not often read a story, watch a TV series, or sit down to preview a movie in which the main plot is a human developing their own sense of self, feeling full, and then adding a life partner slowly with boundaries. Too often, we are socialized to move quickly and satisfy physical and emotional urges before a solid partnership can be built. If the examples above are not enough, think of American consumerism. The ads that are shown often display the concept that once you have the product you will be happier, healthier, or more desirable. Again, it is a concept that an item on the outside will make you feel good on the inside. Reflect on this for a moment.
Many of you may be thinking, hold on a minute, purchasing something for myself is an act of self love and can be self nurturing. That is true. However, not if the desired effect is for you to be more likeable, better, or stronger to outside forces. If your goal is to self-nurture, and that is it, then an act such as purchasing a massage for yourself is not living from the outside in. For many, the line can be muddled and thus conscious living is imperative for those that choose this healthy lifestyle. Reflect often and ask yourself, why are you doing what you are doing? Is it because you want approval, love, security, or attention from an outside source? Or, is it an act of self love? Be honest with yourself. When we rely on ourselves to be our own source then we do not attract others into our lives that we hope will fill a void. These people can be manipulative, or at the very least, are unable to meet your deepest needs because they are not you. Thus, you must fill your own cup completely first, be full, and then invite someone into your life to share in the fullness. Do not become dependent. There is a big difference between being dependent and sharing your life with someone. When you are independent and live from the inside out there is a sense of freedom and calm. It is not a luxury but attainable for all. Therefore, be mindful of how you have been socialized. Be metacognitive and think about your own thought process and pursue a life of freedom and peace that is enriched when you share it with others.
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