But I Was Happy When I Was With The Narcissist!

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How many times have you thought to yourself that you were happy when you were with the narcissist? Really happy! Were you? Perhaps you felt at the time that your life was so good it was BETTER than everyone else around you. Was it? Reflect on your time with the narcissist and ask yourself some questions. Did you feel your happiness was so intense it was like an obsession? Could that have been codependency? Meaning, your happiness depended on the other person filling you up rather than you being the source of love and happiness. Narcissists are amazing at filling a person up, especially in the grooming phase. A narcissist will study you and then say and give you exactly what you need and want to hear. Does that sound genuine? No. Did you ever feel like there was something missing or that you could never get enough love or attention? Could that be because the relationship lacked real intimacy. I am not talking about sex. Narcissists are notorius for using sex as a means to gain narcissistic supply. Intimacy can be expressed in many forms. If your relationship lacked intimacy, then was it healthy? No. Did you ever feel like there was something off about the other person but you could never put your finger on it? In this instance, a person notices in their gut that something is off but does not trust themselves enough to follow the thought further. Besides, as soon as you notice something is off, the narcissist will bring you flowers or buy you a new car. Who doesn’t want a new car? Exactly! The narcissist played a switcheroo on you, also called hoovering,  and the saga continues. If the examples above do not ring a bell, let’s try another. You are expressing a concern about an issue, the narcissist says there is nothing wrong with that, you then express your intense concern only to notice that the narcissist changes their tune instantly and the rest of the conversation plays out exactly like you want it. And the change happens...for a while. There is a cycle. If you are with a narcissist you are in it. How do you stop the cycle? Get out. Get. Out. Now. It is important to go no contact so that the old switcheroo does not work on you again for the one thousandth time! So, were you really happy? Only you can decide. 

At the end of decades of trauma, I sought professional help for chronic PTSD, powerlessness, codependency, and the lack of boundaries. I worked with many wonderful professionals but soon realized that the American mental health system was not able to adequately treat my trauma and I became frustrated as a consumer. I realized that long term injury impacts not only the mental, emotional, and physical body but also impacts the soul. I started to do energy work on myself daily and opened a channel with a council of spirit allies, an ascended master, and an evolving group of ancestors. As time went on, I worked on myself daily and utilized guidance from my spirit allies and I became stronger. I had battled chronic illness for over 20 years and went from 25 prescription drugs and supplements with out of state treatments for my lymphatic system to zero treatments and 10 drugs and supplements within one year of departure from a toxic environment and daily energy work. I now fill myself, connect to my own source of internal power, and live my truth.

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