How many times have you heard the phrase ‘just be positive’? If you are like me, you bucked at this notion. I often wondered how I could possibly be positive under the circumstances in which I found myself. No. Way. It wasn’t until I found myself recovering from an abusive relationship and moving through a trauma bond and PTSD that I found the wisdom in that phrase because I was in a serious situation and had no other option but to be positive. I tried everything else and it didn’t work. I decided that being in trauma almost 24 hours a day did not feel good. I was exhausted and could not take any more. I did not want to live that life any more so I tried it. I was positive. I thought, “I will be well again” or “when I am well again” and planned something. It worked. Life improved. Trust me, no one was more surprised than me. I discovered that positive thinking changes the trajectory of your thoughts. It isn’t a presto chango, instant magic trick but it does take the edge off. It does make life more manageable. Try it.
Another powerful lesson was the concept of non-attachment. While I was at going through the breaking of a trauma bond, I could not control my body for weeks. The shivers, diarrhea, hair loss, panic attacks, and flashbacks ruled my life 24 hours a day. I remember thinking the only aspect of my body I could control was how I parted my hair, so I parted it on the other side and decided to be unattached from everything else. I applied this to my split from a narcissist. He was manipulating the children, had secretly stolen thousands of dollars in addition to secret loans and credit cards, and had a massive smear campaign among other things. I had no control over my family, finances, or possessions. What other choice did I have than to be unattached? It wasn’t easy. I was not perfect. It took me a long time. I was finally able to practice non-attachment once I started living from the inside out, seeing my life lessons for what they were, and understanding that everything happens for a reason and nothing happens by chance. I could stand firm within myself and detach from outside circumstances. I still have days when I struggle with this concept, especially in regards to the smear campaign against me with my children. But then I remind myself that I fill my own cup, cannot control others, look at life through a positive lens, and know that I will be OK. And if I am ok, then life is good.
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