What does codependency FEEL like? Those that have been in a long term codependent relationship might not be able to identify what it feels like because it is how they function and may have even extended to other relationships like parenthood and professional life. Be open and honest with yourself. Take a moment where you will not be disturbed and ask yourself the difficult question: am I a codependent?
One might describe the feeling of codependency in several ways. For example, many codependents feel constantly anxious, powerless, stuck, or subservient. A codependent knows that their situation can go from happiness or fun to dread and sadness on a whim. A codependent can often feel like they are on a roller coaster and will do things they do not want to do because they want life to feel happy again. In some instances, a codependent is unknowingly addicted to the oxytocin release at the top of the roller coaster and thus does not question their happiness to see if it is genuine rather than the appearance of happiness at the cost of abuse. Codependents are often in some form of abusive relationship in which the dependency is taken advantage of either verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually, or financially. In many instances, all of these aspects are apparent. If there are challenges in the relationship, a codependent might often be told, and believe, the problem stems from them. This, in turn, allows the other person to manipulate further and extend their power. Does this sound familiar? Be mindful here. Some codependents are so manipulated they lack the awareness that they are being abused and dependent.
If you live firmly grounded within yourself, it will feel different. It is more lightweight, free flowing, and natural. Life feels right, more steady, and with less dread. The biggest difference is the sense of happiness. For codependents, happiness depends on outside factors like materialistic items, attention and adoration from others, and the outcome of events. In this instance, what is often described as happiness is whimsical as it is based on outside factors that are subject to change. If you are grounded in yourself, your sense of being does not change but rather can be drawn from over long periods of time. There is an ease and airy feeling.
Where are you on the spectrum? Codependent? Independent? Somewhere in between? Be honest with yourself. Where are you? Where do you want to be?
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