6 part Series: How to Reclaim Your Life
The purpose of this series is to provide an opportunity to reflect on your life and ideas on how to reclaim it. Please search the blog for other parts in the series.
Part 3: Reclaim Your Power
When I tell people to reclaim their power they give me a sour look and imply that what I am suggesting they do is impolite, if not rude. Let me clarify this point.
To reclaim your power does not suggest that you should have power over another person. Rather, it is the process of taking back your life, solving your own problems, filling yourself, and eliminating the need to look to someone else to save you. Trust me, you have the power within yourself to be happy, secure, and successful. If you have doubts, I understand. Please follow me for a moment. I was once a severe codependent that was phrased by a counselor to be cult-like. I know first hand what it means to give up your power to someone else for decades and look to another person to solve problems, save you, and fill you. If you are in a situation like this, you may realize that this comes at a great cost to you emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. In my situation, the other person was literally sucking my life force to the point where I was so physically ill I could not walk to the front door, in addition to other examples of emotional, sexual, and financial abuse. I did not realize I chose to give up my power and allow someone else to fill me and solve my problems for a cost. Pause here and reflect on your situation. Does this apply to you? If you are unsure, let me help you. When a person gives their power to another person or situation, there is a distinct feeling that goes with it. I lived with this emotion so long I did not realize the FEELING. It feels like powerlessness, desperation, and fear for your life. You are so afraid that you cannot survive in this world that you give up your power so you can be “saved” from these feelings. However, what you do not realize is giving up your power to another puts you in a situation where the outcome is often desolate because the person that is attracted to someone willing to give up their power is a power hungry person, like a narcissist for example. Therefore, by giving up your power, you actually find yourself in a more desperate situation than you would have been in if you tried to manage the situation on your own. Oftentimes, people that prey on others that are powerless lack integrity and perform additional inappropriate-if not illegal-acts that are unknown to the powerless person. By doing so, the powerless person creates an even deeper spiral of abuse and consequences that may take years to overcome. Therefore, it is CRUCIAL that you release the belief that your survival depends on other people. This could manifest as other people solving your problems or the belief that other people must like you in order for you to be safe. The concept of this post can have serious consequences. Please take a moment to reflect.
Assignment
Do you know what it feels like to give up your power? Can you identify the feeling in order to stop it?
Think about the last time you felt powerless and journal about the event, outcome, and feeling. How could you change the situation in your mind and create a different outcome? If you cannot remember when you felt like this or identify the feeling, work on being metacognitive and think about your own thinking. It is important to “catch” your thoughts and feelings so that you can identify them and alter your behavior accordingly. Journal here for a moment.
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