Have you ever thought to yourself “Yeah, but they are so hot!!”? Have you used the “yeah but” to explain away the narcissist’s behavior? The list of “yeah but” is long and can be related to a myriad of reasons. In this post today, we are focusing on physical attraction.
Why is it that so many narcissists are attractive? And their good looks let them get away with horrible things! Let’s break this down into societal free passes and the free passes that victims give the narcissists in their life.
If you look closer at the society we live in, it is very clear that physical attractiveness earns a person special privileges. From the stereotypical get-out-of-a-speeding ticket, to free items, more likely to land a job or obtain housing, and people are just simply nicer to them. To contrast this, those that would not categorize themselves with the jaw dropping physical features of a narcissist know what it is like to feel invisible. Simply put, our society rewards attractiveness and looks away when an attractive person does questionable things. The attractive person is more likely to be given the benefit of the doubt. This is especially true when you add the charisma and well formulated manipulation tactics of the narcissist. Thus, if you combine good looks and narcissism, it is a formula that is often hard to beat.
This, then, lends itself to the one on one relationships. Oftentimes, if a society perpetuates the attractive narcissist then the individual goes along with it. How do you know if you are doing what everyone else is doing and allowing the narcissist to repeatedly get away with horrible things? Ask yourself a few questions. First, and this one is important, what level of intimacy exists between you and the narcissist if you are partners? Does the narcissist share or is it always you? If that is the case the narcissist is collecting data to be used against you at a later date, by the way. Is there spiritual intimacy? How about during sex? Is it always about the narcissist and thus presented as if you are the lucky one? Does the narcissist listen to your sexual needs? In most of these instances, a narcissist-on all levels-is unable to demonstrate intimacy. So then you have to ask yourself the question, is this an attractive, abusive shell of a person? If so, then you are staying in an unhealthy-if not abusive-relationship because of the attractiveness of the narcissist. Simply put, get out. Get. Out. Now.
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