Most people like attention. One would only have to look at the explosion in social media posts to come to that conclusion. But, what if attention is being used to manipulate you? Then what?
Attention and flattery are great ways to pull a person in. Our culture has programmed the masses to utilize this technique. Watch any romantic comedy and you can easily see the complimentary male and the response of the taken female. What a way to start a relationship? The male, in this example, now knows that flattery works-and if the male is a narcissist-can start the grooming process. In this process, the male continues to give attention and compliments to win favor. Once the manipulator has you in their grasp the real cycle of abuse begins and the establishment of the trauma bond.
You might be thinking “So, how do I know the need for attention is being used against me? Certainly not all attention is manipulative!” Correct! The key word above is NEED. Do you need or really like attention? Be honest with yourself here because it can save you. If a person is filling their own cup, then a compliment or nice gesture of attention is a small blip of something nice on your radar. It adds to you as you keep moving forward. If you do not fill yourself, then the attention just made your day. Another sign is if the attention feels empty. For example, you just received a gift and the whole day was about you but you feel empty. For starters, you feel empty because you were using an outside source to fill yourself. Secondly, the attention may have been manipulative and not genuine. Those that want to be recognized by you or others for lavish gifts and compliments are definitely, firmly in the manipulative category. Why? If a person gives a gift and is full themselves, they do not need a thank you or for the entire restaurant to know what they just did.
Attention can be a tricky one. Spend some time thinking about the last week. When did you receive attention? How did it feel? How did you respond? How did the other person respond? We are all human and some attention is OK. Be mindful.
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