What Does It Mean To Be Selfish?

 

Let’s be honest. It is embarrassing and an insult to be told that you are selfish. That “It is always about you!”. But, what if you are not selfish? WHAT IF the other person is gaslighting in order to manipulate and take from you?  Let’s take a closer look at this concept.

If you take an excessive amount and stand on top of others to make yourself feel better than you are selfish. Narcissists, for example, often fall into this category. If, however, you are asking for basic needs like respect, integrity, and food then you are not selfish.  People in abusive situations are often told they are being selfish and making it about them when in reality the person is establishing healthy boundaries, is asking for respect, and in many cases for basic needs.


It is your number 1 job to take care of yourself. YOU must fill yourself and meet your basic needs and wants. YOU need to make sure that this happens and adjust when it does not. This includes new or young mothers that often find themselves burnt out and depressed. It is important to note that there are many elements involved when dealing with new mothers, like hormone levels for example. Nevertheless, the best gift to give a new mother is to remind her to take care of herself. This is not a selfish concept. A healthy parent is a good parent. 


Therefore, if you are taking care of your basic needs and wants it is not selfish. If you are expressing a boundary or a need to a partner, it is not selfish. If you have to put yourself first to fulfill these needs,  it is not selfish. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself. It is your number one job. No matter what. 



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